Sunday, August 24, 2008

I am to be his helper

God gave us marriage to reflect His relationship of Christ and the church. Christ was willing to lay down His life for the church. The church in turn is to present itself as a beautiful bride. Think about what you felt like on your wedding day. Back then, if you are anything like me, you were in awe of this man you were marrying. You knew God had brought you two together and you were excited to see God's plan unfold over the course of life. You, if you were like me, adored him. You held him in the highest esteem, completely respecting him as a man of God, full of integrity. Does your marriage still reflect that unconditional, covenant love that God so wants for us? Mine in many ways does, but in some ways does not.

My husband is a football coach. If you are married to a football coach, that says it all for you. Every year I go on this roller coaster. In the spring, I am happily married. I am enjoying a regular schedule including nights and weekends with my husband. In the summer, we enjoy the blessings of time off. There are trips to go on and fun family times together. As summer comes to a close, so does my heart. I am now realizing my horrible sin. I turn inward in my own self pity and stop being a help-meet when Chris needs me most. I am convinced the whole family suffers for it. I have even tossed around the term "football widow." I will never say that again. Just yesterday I sat talking with a woman who lost her husband six years ago. She is a widow. She is alone and mourning. I am a woman who is dearly loved by a wonderful man who is alive and well and just happens to be a little busy. Shame on me.

Father God, you who know me completely. You knit me in my mother's womb and know the number of hairs on my head. You who give me my daily strength and guidance. You who have blessed me beyond belief with four healthy children and a husband that loves us completely. You have given me a man of integrity, who follows You, and unselfishly provides for his family everything that we need and more. He is a hard worker and you use him to teach me continuously. You have given me someone in whom I can have peace that his eyes will never wander and that he will come home every night. You have given me a companion whom I can share my whole life with, completely. You have given me a man who adores his children and has an amazing relationship with. What a gift, Lord! Forgive me for my selfishness. Forgive me when I speak ill of Chris to others. Forgive me for doubting him in any way. Forgive me for not relying on your strength and endurance during these times. Forgive me for not supporting Chris in his toughest time. Forgive me for my lack of faith in your power and in your plan. My children are just fine! I am great! Forgive me for putting negativity into our day and for putting so many expectations onto Chris. I am not his holy spirit. Forgive me for my pride that I know what would make this family better. Forgive me for not being content in all circumstances as you have taught. Forgive me for not having joy and for not praying without ceasing. Help me to be the helper that You want me to be for Chris. Help me to support him with unwavering faith. Help me to be his biggest cheerleader. Help me to never give a negative impression about Chris to anyone. Help me to pray for him daily. Help me to put my selfishness aside. Help me to find my identity, worth and joy in You and not Chris. Help me to be someone in Chris's life that helps him keep his eyes on You, not a distraction. Help me to see Chris as I did 10 years ago on our wedding day. Help me to be completely attracted to, in love, and in admiration of Chris. He is a very special creation, made by You, and given to me! Thank you again, Lord, that you are my all. Thank you that you are with me always, because none of this is possible on my own strength. Thank you for your faithfulness to always be teaching me. I love you, Father!

1 comment:

Candace said...

Beautiful!

(I also commented on your previous post.)