As you may have guessed, I let the weight loss plan completely drop. In fact, in the last month, I gained back everything that I had lost plus two pounds. Ugh.
BUT! God's grace is new every morning!!!
This week I have had an enormous break through! Every morning (this was the third morning), I have gotten up at 5:30am to leave by 5:45am. I walk from almost 6am to a little past 7am and go 4 miles. Sooooooo....drum roll please......I have walked 12 MILES already this week!!!! This is HUGE for me!!!
The real break through came Monday morning. I was there on the treadmill at the gym just sweating and hating life. I was into the 2nd mile and already really wanted to quit. My foot was hurting. My back was hurting. Sweat was uncomfortably pouring off of me. (I didn't know to pick up a towel. I had never needed one before.) I started my normal pattern of negotiating with myself. I thought, "Why not just slow it down a little just for a lap?" Then it hit me! NO!!!!! I was NOT going to slow it down! I was NOT going to change or alter the goal I came in with! I was NOT going to quit on ANY level!!!!!
It was then that I believed, for the first time ever, that I COULD DO THIS!!! Even through the pain of the moment I was in, God strengthened me! I started chanting to myself, "I am strong! I am disciplined! I am motivated! I can push myself! I can do this! I WILL do this! I WILL REACH MY GOAL!!!!" I must have said that a hundred times over the next thirty minutes. These were all the things I have not believed about myself in the past. It was amazing how much stronger this made me! Instead of telling myself how tired I was, how much I was hurting, and how much I wanted to stop, I changed all of my thinking to the positive. The results were incredible!!!!
My goal this week is to just get up, get there, and walk my 4 miles. Next week will be extremely difficult to get any activity. So, my goal will be to just get some sort of activity each day. Then, I will start again with my walking. I look forward to being able to increase my distance in the time I have been walking. I also look forward to adding in jogging. Eventually, and not too far off, I will run a 5K!!!
Right now, I am 80 pounds over weight. My feet, hips, and back hurt most of the time, and I have no energy. As a home schooling mom of 5, this makes my days very difficult.
I am so excited about my future!!!!! I now know that I CAN do this! I now know that I WILL do this! I now understand that I am the only one getting in my way of success! I have Christ, so I have the power to keep going!
I don't have to quit. In the past, I have chosen to quit, and I will not make that choice anymore. I now believe that I am important enough to do this for. I am created uniquely by God, the creator of the universe. He took the time to form me, to know how many hairs are on my head, to search and know my heart. He loves me!!!! If God Almighty loves me, then I can love me too! I am worth this!!!!